Superficial & Deranged

Weird name for a blog right? Superficial & Deranged. Two words that you don’t normally want associated with you, and two words that I never would have used to describe myself.

But a funny thing happens when you get older, and in particular if you go down the avenue of deciding to procreate – you end up interacting with the medical profession. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I went to the GP before having kids, and now its multiple times a month.

So superficial, where did that one come from? When I was in labour with my second baby the obstetrician came in to insert my cannula. I was well hydrated and I am pale as a ghost, so my veins were like a colour-blind google maps. But the doctor struggled, moving the needle round under my skin like a water diviner before announcing ‘superficial’. Which, to be honest confused me a lot. It wasn’t exactly what I was expecting to be called in between contractions. When she saw my face she explained that my veins were superficial (no idea if this is an actual diagnosis, or just covering up her embarrassment at a poor cannula insertion), which I assume means something along the lines of ‘looks good from the outside but are shallow under the surface’. She ended up trying the other hand which also failed, before going into my forearm (which later on also failed and the anaesthetist had to fix it).

And deranged, that was a doosy. I woke up one morning, looked in the mirror and was completely yellow. Deranged liver. Weirdly no treatment for it needed aside from avoiding alcohol, fatty foods and contact sports for 6 months. But something about the word always tickled my fancy.

So superficial and deranged. Two words used to accurately describe me that don’t describe me at all. Perfect for an anonymous blog.